"As we approach this holiday season is there any rhyme or reason?
That good will shouldn't abound?
To and through us the whole year round?"



I'm new.. please explain how this works?
My name is Raelynn
& I'm 16 from Iowa.



So today is interesting..
I've been making a copy of the starry night night painting by Van Gogh & its a lot harder then I thought. :P I finally got more paint.

So far today I've had half of a light yoplait yogurt.
I just had to place something in my stomach so people would stop asking if I was hungry >.<

Adam is getting a cell phone today.. his grandparents offered to pay for it.
So all day he's been bouncing around like a 6 year old in a toy store.

its cute & extremely annoying.. because not only does he not need it but now he'll never place it down & I'm slightly jealous because mine is still turned off.

I actually need mine on for a job and for when i'm coming to and from classes in the snow.. & tomorrow we're going to have an extremely shitty snow storm and i'm not looking forward to it at all.

Oh well.
-shoots self-


I think i'm getting sick. I've been extremely cold all day and my throat hurts and my nose is all runny.

eww.

i'm also still lacking sleep. :(



I most likely wont be able to update till after january 4th. I'll be all over the united states.

So I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday.
Stay safe, Stay warm... but remember think thin, keep your goals don't let yourselves down :)


you can do it.


Much love.Stay strong.

(whisper)-Merry Christmas-(whisper)

:)


xoxo.raelynn.xoxo.

starting the lemon diet tommorow :)

"As we approach this holiday season is there any rhyme or reason?
That good will shouldn't abound?
To and through us the whole year round?"


So today is interesting..
I've been making a copy of the starry night night painting by Van Gogh & its a lot harder then I thought. :P I finally got more paint.

So far today I've had half of a light yoplait yogurt.
I just had to place something in my stomach so people would stop asking if I was hungry >.<

Adam is getting a cell phone today.. his grandparents offered to pay for it.
So all day he's been bouncing around like a 6 year old in a toy store.

its cute & extremely annoying.. because not only does he not need it but now he'll never place it down & I'm slightly jealous because mine is still turned off.

I actually need mine on for a job and for when i'm coming to and from classes in the snow.. & tomorrow we're going to have an extremely shitty snow storm and i'm not looking forward to it at all.

Oh well.
-shoots self-


I think i'm getting sick. I've been extremely cold all day and my throat hurts and my nose is all runny.

eww.

i'm also still lacking sleep. :(



I most likely wont be able to update till after january 4th. I'll be all over the united states.

So I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday.
Stay safe, Stay warm... but remember think thin, keep your goals don't let yourselves down :)


you can do it.


Much love.Stay strong.

(whisper)-Merry Christmas-(whisper)

:)


xoxo.raelynn.xoxo.

 Hey everyone!

Just thought I'd (finally) introduce myself. I've watched this community for a bit and decided to join. I've been ana since I was 14 in middle school, but it's been on and off throughout the years. I just started the ABC today, which I've tried before and was unsuccessful at completing. Have any of you tried it and had luck with it? 

Oh yea, I'm 22 and live with my mom in Minnesnowta. lol 

I hope you all have a wonderful day~~

i reached my first goal weight (YAY!) but that was last Wednesday and i've been stuck since then (BOO!). I keep going up and down and up and down. The end result is that my weight is going down more than up, but all of those FRACKING UPS ARE SLOWING DOWN MY WEIGHTLOSS....

Hey today isn't going so well: I was going to go healthy for the hols: so that nobody suspects anything:
but I find it easier to restrict that the diet "healthy" some how I always end up binding that way.

Breakfast: Coffee with Milk- 50cals, 3 cookies- 150cals

Lunch- 1 Bread (200) with Tomatoe(40) and Mozerella(60) and Butter(50) - 350
1/2 Bread(100) with Salmon(70) and Cremecheese(50)-  220
1/2 Bread(100) with Butter(50) and ham (50) - 200
Tangerines*2- 30
Yougurt- 170

Total- 1120cals

Holy Mac, thats a lot. :S But I said I can have 1200cals today. "its healthy" but I feel shit about it. :(
Anyway tonight I will just drink water or sumthang: I should be fine.
I can't wait for the new year: 2010 will be my year: THE YEAR I REACH MY GW! 
Hope you are all well and safe.
Luv, Lola

And there's one on for these workout DVDs called Insanity.
It sounds really hard. And like a really good workout. They say if you really push yourself you could burn up 1000 calories per workout.
I really really desperately want these workout dvds. It's 120 dollars.
So I go on ebay and someone's selling it for a dollar.
I'm super super super tempted to buy it.
They even have a return policy.
I want it so badly.
but I know I won't get it.
D=
Has anyone heard of this workout? It sounds intense. And really wonderful.

Today,  I wore my peach blouse and heelless Bohemian slippers. I let my hair untied. I stared at the mirror. I looked pretty enough, wasn't I?

'cause I want him to see me simply as pretty as possible...

But I didn't he know he dumped me. Fucking gosh. He stared at my feet. Did he find them ugly or in a weird shape? I was regret for not wearing shoes. I guess he should know that... My feet was just having a therapy and at the moment I am in recovery days.

But I look pretty, right?

Unlike last time, I guess he's totally forgot that I, was the special one for him. Two weeks of my absence had making him forgot the feeling.He didn't know that... in two weeks ago, I was in a feet therapy. He didn't even pay much attention to me. Shit.

And when I came home, I stared into the mirror once again. My hair was as its most gorgeous curls. My cheek was healthily pinkish and my lips was at its nicest natural red colour, without any lipstick, nor lipgloss. I don't look pale anymore, unlike during my therapy days. I, am already healthy.

Then I said to myself; yes, I did look pretty...

But what's wrong with me that you don't even find me attractive like the last time we've met? :(

Gosh, I felt I wanna drink liquors back and losing my conscience for some time. T_T

Food - 0/2 estimate of i don't know how many calories kept down. this is not filling the void. it is making the void that much larger..
Water - 2/2
Exercise - 2/2 worked out for 6 hours
Journaling/Posting - 2/2 yepyepyep
Daily Self Esteem Challenge - 2/2 i shaved, had a nice long shower, relaxed (i MADE myself sit and watch gossip girl. i can't remember the last time i sat for more than half an hour at a time.. lol) and did my eyebrows. i was thinkin of dying my hair again, but i can't decide on what colour.. any suggestions?

Hey everyone,
My name is Lola and I'm 17 years old.
I've had EDnos for 2 years now.
I'm new to this site, I hope that I am welcome to make new friends.
Luv Lola

 hey all, i have not been on here in like a month!!!
i spent some time on sunny beaches :)

meaning i was on holiday, meaning i ate a lot and exercised a little...sigh...
not too much weight gain though!

as of today...
it's my birthday ( which is nice, but honestly it feels like any other day, besides the fact that i got the most amazing shoes ever)
other than that...

I HAVE NO APPETITE!
its bloody fantastic!

i hope you are all doing well :)

think thin ladies 

p.s. brittany murphy's death, she was beautiful and talented, i was really saddened when i heard the news :( RIP 

or are there less comments on posts? maybe cos of holidays or something?

i got diuretics and laxatives today. i insisted that my grandma was in the rest home and she has 'issues' and needed something quite strong. luckily for me, it seemed to work, i think.
my best friend is coming tomorrow but i just read that flights in Europe are canceled and I'm nervous in case something happens.

hope all is well
xox

aim -500 or less
total for today- 456

omigod i was 117.6 this morning!!! i began last month at 127-128!!! THANK GOD! the master cleanse is what works for me to get past that hump that is so hard for me. i can definitely see and feel a change today from yesterday in my face. yay cheekbones that i haven't seen in forever. i'm 2.4lbs away from my first goal of 115, then hopefully 113. i plan on doing the lemonade fast for one more full day if possible then i fly home for xmas to face the holidays and try to keep it off.

f-2/2 lemonade
w-2/2
p-2/2
e-2/2 (walked and shopped for 12hrs today all day!)
c-2/2 bought a new blouse and sweater for myself. love feeling skinny in nnew cute clothes. :)
3,10,30

so today i was planning on skipping dinner. but my mom seemed so worried because she knew i hadn't eaten all day so i decided i would eat a little. i PLANNED on 2 1/4 pieces (or half of one, essentially) of red potatoes and 2 spoon fulls of peas, which would be, 250ish? but then i got down stairs, and added 2 pieces of bread and some steak (i think it was steak, but i'm not a meat person lol). so my total bumped up to around 600 cals. then i purged what i could, which wasn't very much because my mom was expecting me to come right back down. i would say i only got 1/4 of my meal out maximum.

i mean, i should be upset about this. but after two days of 2000 cals or more, i think that's pretty fuckin' good. i even resisted gingerbread cookies and ice cream.(: i made a 90 cal "smoothie" with ice and orange juice, but i only had about 60 or 70 cals of it.

i feel pretty damn proud right now. i feel in control. i'm really craving a twix, but i've done too good to fuck myself over now, so i'm going to go to bed. ahh, i'm praying i'm 160 by tomorrow. my last check today i was 161, so i completely think it's plausible. maybe i WILL hit my christmas goal. ahh sweet, sweet control.

night all, hope you've had a day you're proud of. xx

new to this comm but not to lj or eating issues. idk, just decided to join cause i post in 28dayplan and this was mentioned and you all seem so nice. and i need to place to post sporadically and perhaps not always about what i ate. anyway, i s'pose you want to know my stats.

height: 5'6.5-5'7 (not exactly sure but somewhere in between. i believe leaning more toward 5'7)
hw: 136
cw: 129 (last time i checked)
gw: 120
ugw: 118 or below

i've been obsessively watching my weight since i was 13 or so and i'm 18 now. i'm very on-and-off about it though which is how i've gotten so large. :\ i think my eating habits fall somewhere in the middle of healthy eating and eating disorder. i would never diagnose myself with anything but i know i watch what i eat much more than others. i want to be 120 or less when i go back to work on january 25. it's easily doable and i am obsessed with staying on track and not making excuses. my ultimate goal is to be 118 (or less if i can manage) cause that's ashlee simpson's weight (her and i are the same height) and i think she looks fabulous. also, one of my good friends was once quite a bit bigger than me and now she's noticeably smaller so every time i'm around her, i never want to eat. incentive to lose weight cause everything between her and i is like a silent competition. anyway, enough of my rambling. hope all of your days have been lovely and that the holiday food isn't proving too tempting, xx

So just thought I should let everyone know that I had dinner at chic fil a tonight
and it was only 300 cals for 8pc chicken nuggets and side salad.

And I fasted yesterday.

I feel great [:

food: 2/2
water: 2/2
exercise: 2/2 (60 mins stationary bike)
post: 2/2
challenge: 2/2

total: 10/10 :)
numbers: 18/5/168

a ten point day! those seem to be rare these days so i am very happy. the five pound loss may be inaccurate cause i haven't checked the scale in awhile. hopefully i'm still 129. i still feel the same, and i can usually tell when i put on even the smallest bit of weight after losing some. i'll be checking tomorrow morning. hope everyone's day was good today, xx

Fail!

I don't understand. I don't get it. Why is food so freaking important to people? It's disgusting! And having it forced down your throat makes it so much worse... I cannot stand people jumping in the middle of things and forcing me to eat.

This morning my mom and I were home together and she made me eat. Then she went to the store, my dad came home, and he made me eat! And I mean literally made me eat. WTF?!?!? I'm 22 years old for God's sake! And it couldn't be something healthy.... Oh no. It had to be full of fat and starch and calories! There's no way I'm going to be able to work it all off! YUCK! I was able to get rid of some of it, but not nearly enough.

Tomorrow I work a double, so I'll be at work all day. That means a full and total fast. And not a minute too soon. I'll be on my feet from 10 am until at least 7 pm, so that should work off some of the nastiness that I was forced to take in today. My last weigh in yesterday was at 126.5. I'm still a cow at that weight, and I'm sure I'm up from that considerably.

Part of me wishes I didn't care so much about my weight and my size. I wish I could be normal and not care. But then part of me thinks of what I would be like if that were the case and it makes me sick. This back and forth thing in my head is going to be the death of me. It keeps me locked up inside myself so alone... Even when I'm with someone I'm alone. I don't have much of anything in common with anyone I meet. I can't seem to connect. I'm alone in my head and it seems that no one on the outside can understand me.

I fear that I am doomed to be disgusting, heartbroken, and alone the rest of my life..... :-/